ashlieslikewtf

litteraly.

rewind button please.
bank account frozen, fucking pay pal.

other than the occasional mishap,
everything is still puurrrrffect.

heres to focusing on the good things in life <3

Everything in my life is perfect right now,
i still feel overwhelmed.

im losing something thats been consistent for years
and i am not handling it very well.
maybe i can reconnect, or at least try.

but dont get me wrong,
i am so mutha fuckin' happy.
and i love it.

im just being silly.

heres to being thankful for what you have <3

is better than it's ever been.

Hello,

my name is Ashlie Michele Bellows. You may think you know me. Hell, I thought I knew me. But here's to getting my head out of my ass and into the clouds. I am better. New &&improved. I am healthy, sober, and happy to boot. The person I am now, and will continue to be, is the person I should have been all along. I am not really sure what my problem was. All of that hard bullshit was fake, and over-rated. I love me finally. I have no need for walls and masks. I am NO longer afraid.

this is insane.

it's never been this bad.
worst possible time ever.

i dont know what to do
but watch from the sidelines.

it is making me physically sick.

i have a lot of decisions to make.

oh well.

where to begin?

a lot has changed.
including myself.

i'm sober to a T!
and i love it.

i've made some changes for the better.
and i am slowly coming to.

i work way to fucking much,
but i am doing well.

i'm stuck in a ridiculous situation.
it won't last forever though,
so i guess i'll just tough it out.

there is something that i REALLY want atm and i plan on getting it.
(hopefully)

i finally feel like my life is going places,
even if there are some people trying to keep that from happening.

and baby honestly,
these teeth wont let you go.

there are decisions i need to stop setting aside,
and jumps i need to take.

please, give me strength.

when i used to like to limbo.

take me under and make me understand.
block my lungs off and make me appreciate the air.

like a heart attack.

so its amazing when you think something is going so good for you...
and then you get proved wrong.

again.

i have now come to realize that everything i thought was wrong.
i thought i had everything all figured out.
one should never be too sure of themselves.

there is still a lot of changing
and growing up i have to do.

not just for him,
but for myself as well.

but i cannot lose this.
this is something i need.
he is good for me.
and he is right.

and it sucks feeling like you don't deserve something
while knowing that you have the potential to be great.

i will fix this.
now.

people can change in a *snap*
and that is what i have to do.

if i want to make this better,
which only i can,
i will do this.

for the better.
i don't want to let go.

and i am afraid he already has....

and i am sitting here crying,
knowing that is going to solve absolutely nothing.
i need to suck it up, and get on with it.

no more bullshit.
i know who i have to be.

if i really want this i have to work for it.
just like all things.

i will make this right.
i will. i will. i will.

i just wish the faith was there...
but it is my fault that it is not.

is shit right now.

except for my love.
that is strong.

I am proud of how much of an idiot I am.
I am just glad I didn't break it.

lol

BTW,
you, once again, have no right.
None of this would be happening if it wasn't for you.
It is all your fault.
You caused this.
I won't accept any kind of apologize.
You've given me too many.
I am done wondering if you will change.
You won't.
And I am finally fine with that.
Just letting you know,
You.Have.No.Room. to bitch

was alright.

walk.
shop.
work.
walk.
home.
computer.

on your part.

Fuck you.
Fuck everything you stand for.
Fuck everything you believe.

How can you be that fucking insensitive?

You honestly amaze me.
I think this might be your all time low.

I wasn't sure that it could get much worse.
But once again, you just had to prove me wrong.

Congratulations.

I hope you're happy.

After everything you put me through,
you couldn't even call.

I actually am not sure why I am surprised by this.

Maybe I was considering giving you another chance at this.
Not that you deserve it,
but I felt it might be the right thing to do.

I love how you always find some way to
break.me.down.

once again,
congrats.

I start work at Dominos on Monday

It's about time I work.

My baby is so good to me.
god, do I love him.

It's almost christmas.
I dont feel the spirit at all.

and things are looking up.
my life finally has potential.

i have love.
and the family that i never
thought that i could.

wow...
why do i bitch so much.

this will work.
it will happen.

<3

17 tomorrow.
another year to grow
to learn, to experience
and to understand.

is it that everytime
i find something i love
it gets stripped away.

i know i'm not much
and i know i'm not worth it...
but i've got alot of love
to give.

and i want it all to be for him.

as it shall.

this will get better.
love conquors all. <3

i'm sorry

gay

i'm high.